


Wounded Warriors

by BeccaAnne814



Series: Bucky Barnes x Reader Series [9]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood, Death, Explosions, F/M, Fluff, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-12-01 00:51:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 8,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11475147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeccaAnne814/pseuds/BeccaAnne814
Summary: Bucky finally takes Sam's advice to try some therapy sessions at the VA, but you end up being the reason he keeps coming back.





	1. November 2017

_"What am I doing here?"_ Bucky thought to himself.  _"I can't believe I let Wilson talk me into therapy.  THERAPY!"_   

Bucky sat in the waiting room of the therapist's office as a war raged on in his mind.  Part of him wanted to run as far away from the VA as possible, but the other part of him kept hearing Steve's voice in his mind.  That stupid punk had sided with Wilson, almost demanding that he go and talk to someone who dealt with veterans suffering from PTSD.  

Bucky was unconvinced that this Josiah guy Sam had recommended would be able to relate to him.  How many former brainwashed assassins had he ever counseled before?  He was about to get up and walk out when he heard someone trying to open the door.  Looking up he saw her.  Bucky's heart skipped a beat and he suddenly forgot to breathe.

Most people looked at her and only saw the wheelchair, but not Bucky.  He looked at her and all he could focus on were those eyes.  They were both soft and steely at the same time.  He could tell that she'd seen things most normal people never dreamed of, but she was also desperately holding onto the remnants of her humanity.

He couldn't stand to see her struggling with the door, so he jumped up and held it open for her.  She looked up at him in anger, but it soon died away and she smiled at him.

"Thank you," she said with a sigh.  "Sorry for the dirty look.  I'm still trying to get used to this blasted thing and I'm not accustomed to accepting help."

Bucky wanted to say something, but it was as though he'd forgotten how to speak.  He gave her a curt nod and went back to his seat.

She wheeled over to empty space by one of the end tables and gave the receptionist a wave.  She'd been coming here for a few months so they knew her by name.  This was the first time she'd ever seen this guy before, though.  She took a few minutes to observe him and deduced that he'd seen some action at some point in his service.  He was fidgety, which made her think that he was a newbie, and that thousand-yard stare broke her heart.  She'd been just like him – after.  

"First time here?" she asked.

Bucky flinched when she spoke to him, but he was still unable to speak.  He shot her a quick glance through the curtain of hair covering his face and nodded.

Hoping to help ease his nerves, she continued speaking to him.  "Who are you seeing?"  She waited a beat, but when he didn't answer, she kept going.  "I've been seeing Hamlet for a few weeks now.  Big guy, looks like one of those reclusive mountain men, but he's really a big teddy bear.  He and his brothers run this place.  You must either be seeing Will or Josiah."

Bucky wanted to answer her, but his mouth was as dry as the Sahara and he didn't trust himself not to make a fool of himself.

"Thanksgiving is in a few weeks," she said, continuing the conversation once she noticed that his foot had stopped tapping and his hands had unclenched.  "Got any big plans?"  By this point she realized that he wasn't going to answer, so she kept talking.  "I'm in the middle of a rigorous PT schedule, so my family is going to come here.  It's just Mom and my sister now, but they're excited to see me.  They live in Tennessee, so they haven't been out here since I came back from Afghanistan.  We Skype all of the time, but it's still not the same, you know what I mean?"

She tilted her head, hoping that he might answer her, but just then the door to the waiting room opened and Sarah poked her head out.

"Sergeant Barnes?  Josiah is ready for you now."

Bucky quickly stood and hurried through the open door, anxious to get out of the waiting room.  It wasn't that he was annoyed with the chatty woman, on the contrary, he found her fascinating.  The sound of her voice had instantly calmed his nerves, and that also terrified him.  Steve was the only person that could talk him down like that, but there was something about this woman.  

Bucky sat through the awkward first meeting with Josiah, wishing that he was anywhere but there.  Once the 45 minute session was over, he got up from the couch in the therapist's office, but he hesitated at the door to the waiting room.  What if she were still sitting there?  What if she wasn't?

He opened the door and was met with two new faces that he didn't recognize.  The mystery girl was nowhere to be seen. Bucky tried to deny the disappointment that washed over him as he headed toward the elevators.


	2. December 2017

Bucky had put off going back to see Josiah, and Sam and Steve had left him alone about it for a few weeks.  He should have known that they weren't ready to give up on the idea just yet, they were just giving him some breathing room.

Their constant nagging was what had brought him back to VA on a cold, snowy day in the middle of December.  He sat in the waiting room, in the same chair he'd been in before, his eyes darting to the door every few seconds.  He knew he was waiting – hoping – that she'd be back again.  He'd made sure to schedule his appointment on the same day of the week, and at the same time as before.

He was just about to give up hope when he heard the ding of the elevator down the hall.  Using his hair as a shield, he peeked through the brown strands to see if would turn out to be her coming down the hall.  

Once he saw the wheelchair come into view, he rushed to the door to hold it open.  She looked up at him and recognition had a huge smile spreading across her beautiful face.

"Sergeant Barnes!  I was hoping that you'd be back!"

She wheeled over to her spot by the end table and leaned over to rest her elbows on her knees, her faced cradled in her palms.

"I'll be honest with you," she began once he'd sat back down.  "I thought maybe I'd scared you off that last time, thought you might have picked a different day to come talk to Josiah."

Bucky swallowed and almost choked on his own saliva.  His throat seemed to be closing up on him and for the second time around her, he couldn't manage to speak.

When he didn't say anything, she began to speak again.  "I had a great Thanksgiving with my mom and sister.  They were so amazed at my progress.  Did you have a nice Thanksgiving?  Spend any time with friends or family?"

Bucky managed to nod his head, but he still couldn't speak.  He wanted to tell her about the disaster at the Tower, how Vision had overlooked the turkey and they'd been forced to heat up frozen pizzas.  He wanted to tell her how awkward things were with him around, how he still felt out of place in the group of superheroes, but his voice had abandoned him.  He didn't want her to stop talking, but a nod was the best he could do.

She acknowledged his nod with another smile.  "Good.  I'm glad you had a nice time."  She looked toward the window where the flakes were continuing to fall from the ever-darkening sky.  "They say we might get a foot of snow tonight!  I love a white Christmas.  We usually get snow in Tennessee around the holidays and it always reminds me of that Alabama song, _Tender Tennessee Christmas_.  It's my favorite.  Have you heard it before?"

Bucky hadn't heard that song, but he would ask FRIDAY to play it for him as soon as he got back to the tower.  At this point, he was desperate to have any kind of connection with her that he could.  She was getting ready to say something else, but Sarah interrupted as she called him back for his session.

He knew that if he wanted to keep coming back to see her that he was going to have to open up to Josiah a little bit.  He started telling him about growing up in Brooklyn.  He could always talk about Steve, especially telling stories about that punk getting beat up in alleys by guys that were three times his size.

The 45 minute session went by quickly and Bucky was shocked to realize that he's spent most of the time talking instead of Josiah.  He hated to admit it, but it had been nice to sit down and actually verbalize his memories.  Maybe this therapy deal wasn't so bad after all.

The waiting room was full when he left, but this time he made sure to schedule an appointment for the same time next week.  Maybe next time, he'd be able to speak to her.


	3. January 2018

The weather had only gotten worse and then there'd been a few missions, so Bucky had missed the last few therapy sessions.  The New Year had come and gone, and he'd spent the night wondering where she was, if she'd stayed up to watch the ball drop in Times Square, or if there'd been anyone there to give her a New Year's kiss.  His hands balled into fists as he thought of someone else's hands on her, someone else's lips brushing over hers.  This woman had managed to burrow not only into his mind, but into his heart as well.

He sat in the waiting room, his leg bouncing up and down as he anxiously waited to see if she would show up.  He heard the elevator ding, and he was immediately on his feet.  His heart plummeted when he saw the legs of a walker instead of a wheelchair.  He didn't want to be a jerk, though, so he continued to hold the door open, his eyes downcast in disappointment.

"Why thank you, Sergeant Barnes," a familiar voice said.

He looked up in astonishment to see that it was her.  Their eyes met for a brief moment, but he looked away before she could see the goofy smile on his face.

He watched as she shuffled over to one of the chairs and slowly eased herself into it.  "I bet you're surprised to see the wheelchair's gone.  I, for one, am ecstatic.  I hated that thing, but this isn't much better."  She tapped the walker in front of her, a sour look on her face.  "It's progress though.  The doctors are extremely hopeful that I'll regain the full use of my legs.  PT is about to kill me, but it'll be worth all of the pain and suffering if I get to walk on my own again."

Bucky nodded his head in agreement.  He wanted to tell her that she was perfect to him no matter the condition of her legs.  He tried to swallow, but found his throat dry again and resigned himself to listening to her speak.  He could tell from her tone of voice that she was tired, but also excited about the improvements she was making.

"I got to go home for Christmas," she told him.  "I had just moved up to the walker, so Mom didn't have to worry about getting wheelchair ramps for the house.  I still needed the chair in the airport, but at least I was able to go home.  Did you do anything special for Christmas?"

He shook his head and saw a look of sadness come over her face.  It was true that Christmas had been spent taking down a Hydra base in Eastern Europe, but he hated seeing her without a smile on her face.  He wanted to ask her if she'd spent New Year's with anyone, maybe an old sweetheart, but words were escaping him again.

She continued to talk about the weather and other topics that didn't really require him to contribute to the conversation.  He sneaked peeks of her through the hair covering his eyes, and it warmed his heart to see that she was completely focused on him and not staring off into space as she filled the silence.

All too soon, Sarah was calling him back for his session, but he paused at the door leading back to the therapists' office.  He looked back to find her warm eyes on him and he gave her a small smile and nod before he disappeared behind the door.

This time with Josiah, he began to talk about his time in Europe.  He told him about the 107th, and how he'd been captured by Zola's men.  He told him of the torture and how Steve had shown up out of the blue to rescue him.  He told him about the Howling Commandos and how brave those men were in the face of certain death.  He got to the train, and that's when things started to get hard.  Not able to continue, Josiah cut the session a little short and Bucky left feeling raw and exposed.  He made another appointment, and his heart lightened a bit when he thought of seeing her again next week.


	4. February 2018

It was bad enough that Hydra had stolen 70 years of his life, but it was even worse now that they were taking him away from the one bright spot in his life after all of those years of torture.  A sting of non-stop missions had forced him to cancel the rest of his appointments at the VA for the month of January.  

Here it was, February, and he was absolutely terrified.  Today was Valentine's Day and he felt like he should do something for her.  She'd occupied his every waking thought, as well as sneaking into his dreams from time to time, so he felt like he should acknowledge her in some way today.  

He wanted to ask Steve's opinion, but he knew that if he did, the whole story would come out.  As it was, he'd only met her three times, and each of those encounters had been less than 10 minutes each.  He'd never even spoken a single word to her yet!  It sounded completely ridiculous to his own ears, so he knew he'd come across as a crazy stalker if he told anyone else about it.  

He knew that she would understand, that she had felt that connection between the two of them.  She had, hadn't she?  Was he completely crazy to believe that this amazing woman thought anything about him?  He went back and forth, reminding himself that she always addressed him by name, always told him how glad she was to see him.  He just knew that she felt the same way as he did.

He stopped by a drugstore on his way to the VA to see what they had to offer.  He looked at all of the fake flowers and cheesy cards, but nothing stood out to him.  He was about to give up when he noticed a stuffed bear hidden behind a gigantic Cupid.  It was a simple brown bear, but he was dressed in camouflage.  It was obviously misplaced and wasn't meant to be apart of the Valentine's Day merchandise, but Bucky knew it was meant to be.

He sat in the waiting room, as nervous as he was on his first date back when he was just 15.  A bead of sweat had begun to run down the back of his neck as he paced the floor in the waiting room.  Sarah gave him a concerned look and he made himself sit back down.  

He heard the elevator and immediately jumped up to grab the door.  He couldn't control the smile that spread across his face as she shuffled along behind her walker.  She gave him a warm smile as she made her way to the chair on the other side of the room from him.

"I've missed you the past few weeks," she told him as she settled into the uncomfortable chair.  "I don't know if they told you this, but therapy works a lot better if you actually show up every week."

He knew she was teasing him, but he could feel his face getting red as he struggled to find words to say something, anything, to her.  He opened his mouth, but nothing came out.  He mentally cursed himself for acting this way, but it was no use.  She had cast a spell on him, and he was powerless to do anything about it.

"Sergeant Barnes, are you ready?" Sarah asked from the doorway.

He wasn't ready to go just yet.  He'd promised himself that he would speak to her today, but it looked like his window of opportunity had closed.  He rose from his chair and began to walk toward Sarah.

He'd made it halfway across the waiting room before he stopped and turned back toward her.  He approached her and pulled the small bear from the inside pocket of his coat.  Without a word he offered it to her.

He couldn't bear to actually meet her eyes, but he sneaked a peek as she took the bear from him.  His heart swelled when he saw the look of pure joy on her face as she clutched the bear to her chest.

"Thank you so much, Sergeant Barnes," she said as he awkwardly made his way toward Sarah who was grinning like a fool.  

As the door began to shut behind him, he heard her whisper, "Happy Valentine's Day."


	5. March 2018

Stark had decided that the team needed to get away from the city for a few weeks and made them all sequester themselves in the Compound in Upstate New York.  There had been camping trips, complete with s'mores and fishing.  When the last big snow of the season hit, they all hit the slopes for a bit of skiing.  He'd had to admit that he'd enjoyed himself, but at the same time, he missed her so much.  He kept replaying the smile that had lit up her entire face when he'd given her the teddy bear.  

Steve had been on him to talk about his therapy sessions, and he was fine telling him how he and Josiah were cataloguing his memories and helping him to remember the details of his life back in Brooklyn before the war.  These were intimate details that he wouldn't share with anyone else on the team, but it was Steve.  Steve had been with him through thick and thin, he'd had his back on more than one occasion, so it was strange to him that he couldn't tell him about her.  Every time he tried, his throat would go dry and he would find himself unable to speak.  She was an absolute mystery to him and he had no clue why she affected him the way that she did.

When he'd finally made it back to the VA, a full month had passed.  He was anxiously awaiting her arrival, but trying not to show it.  Sarah kept shooting him knowing glances every time he looked toward the door.  When he heard the elevator, he let out the breath he wasn't aware he'd been holding.

As he opened the door for her, he noticed that she had attached a small basket to the front of her walker.  Inside was a small pink box.  He was curious about what the box contained, but he knew he would never be able to ask.

She sat down in her usual chair and gave him a sly grin.  "The box is for you."

He looked up at her, shock written all over his face.  When he didn't make a move to get up, she laughed and shook her head.

"Come on," she said.  "I don't bite. . .hard."  She gave him a wink as he struggled to keep the blush from showing on his face.

He walked over and picked up the box.  Opening it he found a single cupcake with a red, white, and blue candle stuck in the center.  He looked up in surprise to find her grinning from ear to ear.

"I know it's a few days late, but it's not everyday that a guy turns 101 years old."

His heart started to pound in his chest as he realized that she knew who he was.  She knew who he was and she still smiled at him, talked to him, had even bought him a cupcake to celebrate his birthday.  It was then that he decided that she was a angel sent from heaven.  No real woman could be this perfect, could wholeheartedly accept him with all of his flaws.

"I wasn't sure what flavor you'd like, so I just went with vanilla."

He was trying to come up with a response when the door opened and Sarah peeked out.  "Sorry to interrupt, but Josiah is waiting for you Sergeant Barnes."

Bucky looked up from the cupcake and met her eyes.  He gave her a smile and she nodded her understanding before he turned and walked away.

He sat in Josiah's office staring at the box in his lap.  When Josiah asked him about it, he reluctantly opened the lid and showed him the cupcake.  He told Josiah about the woman in the waiting room, but he didn't know who she was.  Bucky realized at that moment that he didn't even know her name.  She probably knew everything there was to know about him, but he knew absolutely nothing about her.

He talked to Josiah about working with the Avengers and the time they'd spent upstate, but his thoughts kept going back to her.  He began to wonder what had happened to her, how she'd ended up in the wheelchair, why she was in New York when her family was back in Tennessee.  He really needed to get over this tongue-tied nonsense and actually have a conversation with her.  Next week, he promised himself.


	6. April 2018

He'd gone back every single week in March, but she hadn't been there.  With every visit, his heart had sunk a little lower and his bad mood had started seeping into his daily life at the tower.  Everyone had noticed and had started steering clear of him.  He felt bad for snapping at everyone, but he didn't know how to tell them what was really going on with him.  He talked to Josiah about it, telling him how he hadn't seen her in a few weeks and he was worried about her.  Josiah felt bad for him, but he couldn't tell Bucky anything due to privacy laws.  He encouraged him to keep coming back and trying not to let his worry for her overtake his life.

It was the last week in April and Bucky was convinced that she had left the rehab facility and moved back to Tennessee.  He mentally cursed himself for not talking to her when he had the chance.  He thought of all of the opportunities that he'd wasted sitting across from her and not saying a word.  She'd be so sweet and beautiful and he'd missed his chance.

He heard the elevator ding and hope billowed up inside of him.  He rushed to the door to hold it open, but when he looked down the hall, it was just a custodian pushing his cart.  Bucky's heart sank yet again as he walked back to his seat.  He caught the look of sympathy on Sarah's face as she watched him shuffle dejectedly across the waiting room.  

When she called his name to go back to Josiah's office, she gave him a sad smile and squeezed his arm.  "She might be back, you never know."

As Bucky sat in Josiah's office, the despair and heartache he'd been feeling for the past few weeks became too much for him to bear and before he knew what he was saying, he was telling him about his time as the Winter Soldier.  He told Josiah about the torture, and the brainwashing.  He told him what it had felt like to be a prisoner in his own mind.  

Bucky went on to tell him about Howard and Maria Stark.  Out of all of the people that Bucky had been sent to kill, Howard was the one that carried the most guilt.  If it hadn't been for Howard, Steve would have never made it behind enemy lines when the 107th was captured.  He owed Howard his life, and he'd repaid him by killing him and his wife, leaving their son an orphan.    

Josiah seemed really interested in learning about his relationship with Tony.  Talking about Tony was hard.  He told him that once the trigger words had been removed from his mind that he and Steve had stayed in Wakanda for a while.  Tony had eventually reached out to Steve, but his best friend refused to go back to New York without him.  Those first few months with the Avengers had been miserable.  He was still having nightmares and Tony still blamed him for his parents deaths, even though he said he was trying to come to terms with the circumstances.  They'd come along way in the past few months, but he doubted he'd ever have the relationship with Tony that he'd had with Howard. 

Steve was the only one he'd ever really confided in, but Bucky had dismissed his assurances that he wasn't to blame for the things that Hydra forced him to do.  It was different with Josiah.  This man, this stranger, knew almost nothing about him, so when he echoed Steve's words, it meant something to Bucky.  

Bucky walked out of the VA feeling more hopeful than he had in years.  He obviously wasn't going to be able to forgive himself overnight, but in time, the guilt may not weigh him down as much.


	7. May 2018

A few weeks had passed in May and Bucky was still going to see Josiah.  He would never admit it to Wilson, but therapy had been the best thing to ever happen to him.  His mood had started to improve and his friends no longer avoided him, but he still missed her.  He thought about all of the things that he wanted to say to her if he ever saw her again, but he knew it was just a foolish fantasy.  When the elevator dinged, he no longer jumped from his seat to open the door.  The sound still brought a pang of sorrow, but he was slowly starting to get over it.  

He was sitting in the waiting room, flipping through a magazine that he didn't want to read.  He'd gotten used to tuning out the world around him, so he hadn't heard the elevator stop on this floor.  It wasn't until he heard the door opening that his attention was drawn away from _12 Ways to Use Mason Jars in Your Kitchen_.  Looking up, he was shocked to see the one person he never thought he'd see again.

She was just as beautiful as he remembered, a smile spread across her face, and those sad eyes that she so desperately tried to hide behind her happy façade.  She gave him an questioning look as he continued to sit frozen in his seat.  Finally, he came to his senses and jumped up to hold the door open for her.  He couldn't help the confused look that came upon on his face when he noticed that she was back in the wheelchair.

"First of all, hello," she said as she wheeled over to the end table across the room from him.  "I bet you've been wondering where I've been for the past two months."  She waited to see if he was going to say anything before continuing.  "The truth is, I was being stupid, pushing myself too hard, and took a pretty nasty fall in PT.  I had to go back to Bethesda for another back surgery, which is why I'm back in the chair.  The doctors say that this is going to push back my recovery a few months, but they don't think I did too much damage."

Bucky thought about all of the things he'd wished he'd said to her when he'd had the chance, but now that she was sitting right in front of him, he couldn't put two words together.  He did manage to make eye contact with her and smile.  It wasn't everything he'd hoped their reunion would be, but it was progress.

Sarah cleared her throat from the doorway and gave Bucky a sad smile.  "Sorry to interrupt, but Josiah is ready for you, Sergeant Barnes."

Bucky stood and walked over to Sarah, but before the door closed behind him, he stopped and turned back to her.  "I'm glad you're back."


	8. June 2018

An extensive undercover mission had kept Bucky away from the VA for the past few weeks, so when they finally made it back to New York, the first thing he did was schedule an appointment with Josiah.  The weather had really started to warm up and Bucky was getting tired of constantly wearing long sleeved shirts and gloves.  Talking with Josiah had helped him to see that he needed to learn to accept himself, scars and all.  Making up his mind, he pulled one of the short-sleeved tees from a drawer and slipped it over his head.  He knew that people would give him sideways glances when they saw the arm, but it was time to stop hiding.  

Bucky was nervous as he sat in the waiting room.  What if the arm freaked her out?  What if it made her think twice about being nice to him?  He knew that she knew who he really was, but had she really thought about it?  Sarah hadn't really given him a second look, but he'd also angled his body so that she didn't really get a good look at his arm.

When he heard the elevator, he took a deep breath and tried to calm his nerves.  Walking toward the door, he held it open as he waited for her to come down the hall. 

He was pleasantly surprised to see the walker again as it meant that she was continuing to make progress.  He was glad that her fall and subsequent back surgery hadn't pushed her recovery too far behind.

"Thanks, Sarge," she said as she slowly shuffled over to a seat.

He loved when she called him Sarge.  It brought back memories of when he was still young and innocent back in Brooklyn.  All of the dames had fought over who got to the be the next to dance with him, all of them so in love with the idea of a soldier.  Little did they know what war really did to a man.  Some came back with the physical reminders of combat, but all too often their scars were internal, and the women they'd left behind didn't know how to handle the nightmares and constant mood swings.

He figured that if anyone could understand him, it would be her.  He didn't know her story, but he knew she was a soldier, and like him, she'd suffered both physically and mentally to defend her country.  Even knowing that she had experienced some type of trauma, he was still worried that his demons would be too much for her to handle.

After she had taken a seat, she was able to give him all of her attention.  He saw her start to speak, but the words died on her lips as she stared at his arm.  Disappointment sat heavily in his gut as he continued to watch her eyes get wider.  She finally managed to tear her eyes away from the monstrosity that he loathed, but when her eyes met his, they were full of sympathy and were glassy from unshed tears.

"Sometimes I forget," she told him.  "I forget that I'm one of the lucky ones." She gave him a sad smile.  

He flexed the fingers of the metal arm and was surprised to see a look of wonder come over her face.  

"I know I'm being too forward, and completely overstepping, but. . .can I?" She reached out her hand to him and before he knew what he was doing, he was out of his seat and walking over to her.  

He cautiously held out his hand and she took it in both of hers.  She ran her fingers over the smooth metal of his palm and flipped his hand over to inspect the way the plates seamless fit together.

"This is amazing," she whispered as the fingers of her right hand began to trail up his forearm.  "Do you have any feeling at all in this arm?"

She looked up at him, her eyes alit with wonder as she waited for him to answer.  Bucky swallowed hard and turned her left hand over in his.  He began to rub small circles in her palm with his thumb.  "I can feel everything," he whispered.

She snatched her right hand away quickly, but he held onto her left one.  He could tell that she was embarrassed, but he couldn't help the small chuckle that rose up from his chest.  Her eyes shot to his as she tilted her head and gave him a dirty look.

Before he could say anything else, Sarah was calling him back for his appointment.  He reluctantly let go of her hand and walked toward the receptionist.  Turning back, he gave her one last smile.  "Thank you. . ."

"YN," she finished for him.  "My name is YN."

"Bucky," he whispered as he pulled the door shut behind him.


	9. July 2018

Now that the ice had been broken, he found that he could actually speak to her for those few brief moments in the waiting room.  He didn't say much, a comment on two here and there, but the way her eyes lit up when he did made him want to tell her everything.

He was starting to get frustrated at Sarah for continually interrupting them, but he knew she was just doing her job.  He'd been trying to figure out a way to extend their conversations, but he didn't know how.  Finally, he gave in and went to Steve for advice.  He'd finally told his best friend about the woman he'd met at the VA.  Steve tried to conceal his excitement, but he'd eventually given in to curiosity and started peppering Bucky with questions about his mystery woman.  Bucky admitted that he really didn't know that much about her and that's why he'd come to Steve in the first place.  He had no idea how to go about getting to know her better.  Steve had suggested he ask her out for coffee after one of her therapy sessions.

Bucky was sitting in the waiting room, butterflies dancing a jig in his stomach as he waited for her to arrive.  He had finally worked up the courage to ask her out and he was a nervous wreck.  What if she said no?  What if she said yes?  Thinking about either response had him sweating even more than usual.

He was up pacing the floor again, catching Sarah laughing at him from behind the window in her office.  He shook his head as he thought about how he looked to her right now.  She'd been there from he beginning, and if he wasn't mistaken, she was in support of whatever it was that was going on between him and YN.  He'd noticed that the past few weeks, she been calling him back a little later than normal, and she always had a smile on her face when she saw the two of them together.

He heard the elevator and glanced over at Sarah.  She gave him a wink which pretty much confirmed his suspicions about her as he walked toward the door.  He heard an odd sound and peeked down the hall.  What he saw had his heart soaring.  The walker was gone and a cane had taken it's place which accounted for the odd cadence of her footsteps.

"Hi," he said as she walked into he waiting room.

"Hi," she said as she took a seat in the chair next to the one he usually sat in.

He stood by the door for a minute, a little unsure of what to do next.  She patted his chair and he finally walked over and took a seat.

"Is this okay?" she asked as he turned toward her.

"Yeah, um, this is fine," he muttered as he tried to remember what he had wanted to ask her. 

She reached for his hand, interlacing her fingers with his.  "You seem more nervous than usual.  What's wrong?"

He looked down at her fingers intertwined with his.  It still amazed him that she was so comfortable with his metal arm, never hesitating to touch it.  He brushed his thumb over her hand as he looked back up at her.

"Nothing's wrong, YN," he told her with a smile.  "I'm nervous because I have a question to ask you."

A grin spread across her face as she waited for him to continue.  When he didn't say anything for a few moments, she gave his hand a squeeze.  "What do you want to ask me, Bucky?"

"Well," he began, his eyes looking back down at their joined hands.  "I was thinking that we never have enough time to really have a conversation before our sessions.  I thought that maybe you might want to grab a cup of coffee with me after your session and then we won't be interrupted."

She reached over to lift his chin, forcing him to look her in the eye.  "I'd love to get a cup of coffee with you, Bucky."


	10. August 2018

The little coffee shop around the corner from the VA had become "their place" over the past few weeks.  Bucky would sit back down in the waiting room after his session and wait for her to finish up with Hamlet.  Some days she would come out with a smile, and other days, he could tell that she had been crying.  He'd tried once to cancel their plans when she'd obviously come out upset, but she had assured him that spending time with him was just what she needed to get her mind off of her session.

Their afternoons at the coffee shop were spent getting to know one another.  She loved listening to stories about Brooklyn before the war, especially when he told her about all of the mischief he and Steve had gotten into.  She told him about her family and growing up in a small town in western Tennessee.  They were only skimming the surface of their lives, but they knew that eventually they'd have to face the hard topics.

Bucky had waited for her like he always did after his session, but when she came through the door, he could see that her eyes were red from crying even though she tried to hide it behind a smile.  She grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the hallway leading to the elevators.

She didn't say a word the entire ride down or on the short walk to the coffee shop.  Bucky knew her order by heart, so he told her grab a table while he got the coffees.  When he sat down across from her, she was gazing out the window, idly watching the people walking by on the sidewalk.

"It was an IED," she began.  Bucky didn't say a word, instinctively knowing that she needed to tell this story on her own terms.  "There were four of us: me, Jonesy, Mack, and Kat.  We were in our Humvee, doing a routine patrol.  We'd been down that street a thousand times, but I guess the insurgents had been watching us, had learned our routines.  We were warned about routines in training, but we'd grown complacent.  We thought we were invincible, that nothing was going to happen to us."  She stopped and closed her eyes for a moment as she gathered her thoughts.  "I don't remember much about what happened next.  There was a loud noise and then the world turned upside down.  I could hear Mack screaming, but when I looked over, all I could see were Kat's eyes starting back at me.  I knew she was gone, but I still tried to shake her, to make her wake up.  I must have passed out after that because the next thing I remember was lying on a cot and hearing the sound of chopper blades as they flew me out of theater."  She turned back toward Bucky, as tears streamed down her face.  "I was the only one that survived.  Kat and Jonesy died on impact.  Mack made it to Germany, but they lost him during surgery; too much blood loss.  I have what they call an Acute Spinal Cord Injury, basically a piece of shrapnel hit my spine and bruised it.  Doesn't sound that bad, but some people never walk again after something like that happens to them.  I'm one of the lucky ones.  It's caused some temporary paralysis, but I'll walk again.  After the fall back in March, they had to go in and put some screws in my back to help stabilize my spine, but I'll make a full recovery.  My entire team died, and all I have to show for it is a few scars on my back."

Bucky reached across the table and wiped her tears away with his thumb.  "I don't know what to say YN.  War is cruel and it's not fair.  It's not right that we have to watch our friends die while we get to keep on living."

She reached up to place her hand over his.  "I didn't tell you my story so you would pity me, Bucky.  I told you because you deserve to know who I really am.  I'm good at putting on a smile and pretending that everything is fine, but deep down, I'm a mess."  She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second before fixing him with that steely gaze of hers.  "I'm not sure you need someone like me in your life right now."

Bucky didn't care that they were in the middle of a crowded room.  He stood up and walked to her side of the table, pulling her to her feet.  He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him.  Whispering in her ear, he told her, "You're all I'll ever need, YN."


	11. September 2018

Bucky had wanted to confide in her that day at the coffee shop, but he waited; not because he was scared, but because he wanted to give her time to come to terms with her own guilt before he unloaded his on her.  Their talks had grown more serious as they began to discuss their therapy sessions with one another.  Bucky knew that she had read about him, that she knew what he'd done under Hydra's control.  He knew that she didn't blame him, but there was still a part of him that blamed himself for not being strong enough to fight them.

He'd had a rough session with Josiah that day.  They'd finally gotten around to the fight Bucky had had with Steve on the Helicarrier.  He was already raw from reliving the moment on the bridge, and subsequently the incident with Pierce in the bank vault.  He'd told Josiah about his fear of believing Steve when he'd told him that he was Bucky's friend.  He felt as though he'd been punished for remembering Steve and there was a part of his subconscious that was terrified that if he remembered him again that they would continue to punish him.  It wasn't until Steve stopped fighting that Bucky was finally forced to admit that everything Steve had said was true.  Deep down he knew that Steve would never give up on a fight he believed in, he'd keep going until his dying breath.  Seeing him laying before him, beaten to a bloody pulp, Bucky had finally allowed the memories to break free, but it was too much for his fragile mind to handle.  He told Josiah about the years he'd spent on the run, about Steve showing up in Bucharest.  He'd finally admitted that he'd denied truly knowing Steve because he was scared of being hurt again.  Josiah had asked him if that was why he kept a part of himself closed off from Steve and that had been when Bucky had broken down.  Even after being free of Hydra for four years, after the trigger words had been removed, after being welcomed into the Avengers, he was still terrified of being hurt again.

He'd walked out of his session and all but collapsed in a chair as he waited for YN to finish her session with Hamlet.  His arms were resting on his thighs as he held his head in his hands, desperately trying to pull himself together when he felt her hand on his shoulder.  He looked up and saw the concern on her face.  He didn't try to hide his emotions from her as she sat down next to him and wrapped an arm around him.  He let her hold him for a moment as he used her calming presence to give him the strength he needed.

He eventually stood and helped her to her feet, making sure that she was steady before the walked out of the room.  She still needed the cane, but her gait was improving daily, and he knew it wouldn't be long before she was walking on her own.  He led her to the elevator and down the street to their coffee shop.  This time, she ushered him to a table while she got the drinks.

She sat down across from him, not saying a word.  He held the hot cup of coffee between his hands as he tried to find the words to tell her how he was feeling.  He started with being captured by Zola the first time with the 107th, and it was like a dam had been opened.  He talked for hours, telling her every single thing that he could remember from the past 70 years.  She never said a word, and he didn't dare look at her, scared to see the horror on her face when she realized what Hydra had forced him to do.  He got to the part about the Helicarriers, the memory that had caused him to break down with Josiah, and that's when he started to cry again.  She reached across the table to grab his hands and he finally looked up at her.  Instead of the fear and horror he was expecting, he saw pain and anger clouding her tear-stained face.

"The things they did to you," she said.  "It's a miracle you survived the torture, and an even greater one that you've been able to keep your sanity and your compassion."

Her words were a balm to his tortured soul and he felt as though a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.  Knowing that this woman could listen to all the atrocities from his past and still see him for the man he truly was, the man he longed to be again, was amazing.  It was then that he finally admitted to himself that he had fallen in love with her.


	12. October 2018

Ever since he'd realized that he was in love with her, he'd been dying to tell her, but he didn't know how.  He was scared that she didn't feel the same way, but he knew that he'd go crazy if he didn't at least try.  They were sitting in the coffee shop after their therapy sessions, just like they did every Wednesday.  He was idly thumbing through the container of sweeteners on the table when she reached over and grabbed his hand.

"What's wrong with you today?  You had a smile on your face when we left the VA, but all of sudden you're all fidgety and nervous."

He looked up at her, and just like the first time he'd ever seen her, he was mesmerized by her eyes.  They were still clouded with pain and guilt, but not as much as they were a year ago.  "I want to ask you a question, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea."

She raised her eyebrows and gave him a devious look.  "Bucky Barnes thinks something might not be a good idea?  Count me in!"

He shook his head as he laughed along with her.  Taking a deep breath, he dove right in.  "I want you to come back to the Tower with me.  I want you to meet Steve."

He wasn't prepared for her sharp intake of breath and was instantly terrified that he'd made a mistake.  He searched her face, desperately trying to read her, to figure out how to dig himself out of the hole he'd just landed himself in.

"You want me to meet Steve," she repeated, her eyes wide.  "You want Steve to meet me?

"Of course I want Steve to meet you," Bucky told her as he held her hands in his.  "The two most important people in my life should know one another."

"I'm one of the most important people in your life?" she asked in disbelief.

"I'm screwing this up," Bucky said as he dropped his chin to his chest.

"No, you're not Bucky," she reassured him.  "I'm just trying to process this.  I didn't know you thought of me like that.  I didn't realize you felt the same way as me."

His head shot up as he searched her face for any sign that she was toying with his emotions.  "Feel the same way as you?  You feel something for me?" 

She pulled one of her hands free of his and raised it to his cheek, her fingernails gliding over the thin layer of stubble on his jaw.  "Oh, Bucky, you have no idea how long I've waited to tell you how I feel about you."

"How long?" he asked, his voice barely a whisper.  His heart was hammering in his chest as hope sprang up inside him.  Could she really be in love with him?  Could he really be lucky enough to have the girl of his dreams feel the same way about him as he felt about her?

"I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you," she told him.  "I looked into your eyes and I felt as though I had finally found the one place I belonged."

Her hand was still cradling his face and he raised one of his to cover hers.  "I felt it that day, too.  It took me a little longer to figure it out, but deep down, I knew.  I love you, YN."

"I love you, too, Bucky."


End file.
